The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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