We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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