Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
