Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
