he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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