He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
