I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
