you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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