Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
