I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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