you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
