Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
