i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pants are for mortals
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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