If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
