He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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