omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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