2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
