My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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