I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
