Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
