She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
