Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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