I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
