K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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