Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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