Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
