he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
