stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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