I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
