The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
