just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
