Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
