The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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