I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
