never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
