Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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