This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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