In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize