im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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