i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am naked and annoyed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
