sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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