I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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