My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There r osticjed everywhere
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
