remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
