Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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