suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We are two peas in an std pod
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
