He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
