I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
