I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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