she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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