did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
