Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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