As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
