will power is for people who don't want to get laid
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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