please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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