I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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