Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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