sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize