i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
