Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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